How do you know so many authors? PT. 1

When meeting new people--the first question I am asked is "How do you know so many authors?" Well my friends luckily for you, I have an answer!

Basically one day three years ago--on Mothers day, I decided that the only way to meet a best selling author was to almost die*. So I woke up, made mothers day breakfast and plotted my journey into death**.

I was rushed up to the hospital, holding my hand on my head the whole way and screaming "THE WHOLE WORLD IS SPINNING MOTHER, IT IS SPINNING, MAKE IT STOP!" This caused my mother to drive even faster!

Upon arriving at the hospital, they decided I needed an X Ray. They shuffled me into an X Ray room and told me to hold my breath, little did they know my blood was so thin when I held my breath I would pass out.

I woke up (after a possibly near death experience, I can say I have never felt that feeling of 'waking up' ever in my life, and never want to feel it again!) in my hospital bed. People rushing in and out.

Meanwhile the angel and demon on my shoulders were both rubbing their hands together. Operation NEAR DEATH was going perfect!*** My nurse and doctor then proceeded to scream at each other in my hospital room.

"WE NEED TO LIFE FLIGHT HIM!" the nurse screamed, "MR. DINGLEBAT**** NEEDS A LIFE FLIGHT, IF WE START DEVYN ON AN I.V. HE SHOULD BE FINE IN AN AMBULANCE!"

THIS CONCLUDES PART ONE, TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR PART TWO!
Comments are dandy!

XO


*= I do not suggest this for a normal person, only advance almost dead people.
**= Not really plotted, my body did all of the work.
***= Honestly, I have Lupus, and can't take any credit, my body decided it wanted to try and kill me.
****= I don't remember the mans name. It is highly doubtable that it was DINGLEBAT!

(Side note, hopefully you SEE this is a TRUE story told in the 'Maureen Johnson' style, so... decide what is true and what isn't!)